Of Blondes, Toads and Cats
by irezel
Summary: The Elric Brothers are investigating the rumors of talking-toads that they believe are likely to be more chimeras. As they search they come across a strange, hyper blonde man with golden eyes... Story Idea by Lizeth :
1. Prologue

A/N: First fanfiction, feel free to comment on spelling an grammar.

Disclaimer: Naruto and Fullmetal Alchemist do not belong to me.

Of Blondes, Toads, and Cats

Prologue

The shopkeeper stared at the sight before him with his jaw slightly hanging. He was used to strange people visiting him for his rare scrolls and sometimes seeking tidbits of information he collected…but those strange ones were always obviously ninja. (Even if they didn't wish to reveal themselves as such.) They would walk with the grace of a cat but their muscles would be taut as bulls pulling a cart…except for the loud and annoying inexperienced ones. He had two ninjas in mind with that description. One incredibly blonde, blue-eyed and obsessed with ramen and the other a brunette with dark eyes masked my orange goggles. Though each were many years in the past from when he was much younger.

But this…this was beyond his normal sort of weird.

The two customers browsed his selection unaware of their keen observer…the first to enter was the short and bad tempered one. The boy (man?) had entered his shop loudly yelling something about cats ("You can't have one Al!") and a horse (a fire-breathing mustang, perhaps a animal summons?) giving orders. He was blonde with foreign eyes of gold and wore long sleeves even in the heat of midday. Jiro shivered. The Golden Sage had such eyes, but his were only for battle, or so Jiro has heard. The man had intelligent eyes and had obvious experience with aged texts but he did not look to be familiar with some of the common ninja techniques residing in the scroll he was breezing through.

The other was the complete opposite. He was very calm and quite mannered with a kind and gentle voice…and tall. Very tall. As for his other physical characteristics…the shopkeeper couldn't say. The man was completely covered in armor with the only visible body part being his glowing eyes! Metal everywhere; he had only heard of this in the north where the samurai resided…but that wasn't right. This man had no sword or any weapon at all to speak of. And although he wore all this, his foot steps were still quiet enough to rival some of the moderately stealthy ninja's he had seen come round.

When the short one finally noticed the shopkeeper in his corner, he narrowed his golden eyes, but said nothing for the while. When the foreign man finally spoke, it was with an accent the shopkeeper had never heard, even though it was very light.

"So, are you Old Jiro, ze renown owner of zis shop?" he said with a cocky smile.

"I, for certain, wouldn't call someone 'old' if I were looking for information young sir. I'm only in my late forties," I reply humorously. "But yes, that would be me you speak of. What can I do for you two today?"

He snorted, "I'm not sure you can help but we'll ask you anyway," he replied. Jiro was slightly offended by this comment but said nothing.

"Oni-san! Be polite!" chided the giant person in the armor…so they were brothers? What a size difference. Huh.

"Fine," grumbled the short one. He then looked at me again and said, "Sorry, long day." I nodded for him to continue so he did. "What I wanted to ask was, do you have any information on ze sightings of ze talking toad chimeras? We need to determine if these rumors are accurate or not. Ze last I heard, it was in ze area and if there was anything to know, you would know it. So could you help us…please."

The blonde glanced up at his taller brother, who nodded, then back at Jiro.

Jiro looked thoughtful for a moment while he was trying think what could possibly be a "chimera". The talking toad part caught his attention though...Did this man seek the assistance of the Toad Sage...as in one of the Legendary Sanin? He frowned as he recalled hearing that the man was killed years ago...but I he also had heard rumors of his successor. That was the Golden Sage. And there _had_ been sightings of giant toads in the past few weeks, so the boys in front of him weren't far off. He sighed, ending his musings.

"I've only heard rumors of toads being sighted a couple miles south of the town. Though I advise that you don't try and antagonize them, they are rather large, not to mention their master...Why are you looking for them?"

The blonde seemed to have some sort of conversation with his brother through eye contact alone before he answered, "Some one has been bad and has messed with things that ought to be left alone."

And then they were gone, leaving a few coins on the counter in their haste.

Jiro blinked. Maybe they _were_ ninja.


	2. Chapter 1

A/N: First fanfiction, feel free to comment on spelling an grammar.

Disclaimer: Naruto and Fullmetal Alchemist do not belong to me.

Of Blondes, Toads, and Cats

Chapter 1

Naruto Uzumaki would be the first person to admit that he enjoys a good fight. He isn't an adrenaline junkie or anything, but he does enjoy the thrill of a good brawl. That's one the reasons he hangs out in bars and casinos as much as he does. Those places has just the right type of people. If you mix in money, alcohol and a boisterous and bragging customer (most often Naruto himself plays the part), you get an atmosphere that would make anyone itch for a good fight. Considering Naruto's obscene good luck with money, inability to get drunk and _charming _demeanor one can imagine how often he gets into one of his desired brawls.

He is very good about holding back on these people, where would be the fun if he could just knock them out with a quick punch? He takes the cue from his good friend Rock Lee. Just put on a couple tons worth of weights. You get a good work out, and people think you are a lot slower than you actually are. Oh the hilarity. If any of the brawlers actually _knew_ who they were fighting with, they would piss their pants.

Why? Because Naruto Uzumaki aka "The Golden Sage" was one of the strongest ninja in the world! ...Or so the rumors went. Truthfully, he _was_ strong, he _was_ the number-one unpredictable ninja in the world, and he _was_ next in line to be Hokage of Hidden Leaf.

But Naruto was also currently hiding from the current Hokage, Tsunade (Oba-chan), so there was no way he would blow his cover of the annoying gambler extraordinaire. He was _not_ going back to do paper work before he was even the actual Hokage. No. Way. In. Hell. Not to mention no one would fight with him then.

Be that as it may, Naruto had incredible luck with money, he did _not_ have any luck with the people he pissed off. Every now and then, Naruto would ignore his instincts and end up annoying a ninja. The fight would steadily escalate until Naruto would realize he probably couldn't win the fight with just his poor taijutsu skills, and would have the ninja chase him into the woods, summon Gamabunta, Gamatatsu or Gamakichi. Or go into Sage Mode to get his _awesome_ golden eyes to freak them out. The ninja would then realize who he was just trying to kill and would run of screaming that the Golden Sage was after him. Of course, no one would believe him.

So, yet again, Naruto's luck decided to desert him. Or let him suffer the wrath of his own stupidity. Meh. Same difference.

Naruto had been sitting in a booth when trouble walked through the door disguised as a blonde, very short young man. The man walked up to the bar to speak to the bartender and Naruto's mouth moved before he could think, "Hey, Taka! I didn't know you served minors _and_ midgets in your bar!"

It was only years of training and avoiding blows from Sakura that saved Naruto's life.

The booth he had been sitting in sadly did not have such skills to avoid a giant wooden fist coming at it. The man who Naruto had insulted stood by the bar still facing away from the carnage, with his hands placed flat on the table, which seemed to be glowing blue. Extending from the bar was the massive fist that had done the deed.

Naruto eyed the fist that had almost taken his head off from a comfortable place across the room. It slowly retreated back into the bar. The man slowly swept his eyes across the mostly empty bar until they landed on Naruto. And then he took a step towards him.

With every step he spoke a word. "I. Am. _Not._ A. **MIDGET!**" By the time he finished those five words, he was five steps closer to Naruto, which to Naruto, was entirely too close for comfort.

Naruto decided to take a second to process and decide what to do. So he went through his brawl checklist: Insult? Unintentional, but a success. Bar Brawl? Skipped. Escalating Street Fight? Also skipped. Ninjutsu Exchange? Check. Cause that's what that fist was...right? But he felt no chakra...Eh...Still a Check. That left one thing to do. Run Into The Woods And Scare The Scary Ninja.

So he did just that. Or tried to at least.


	3. Chapter 2

A/N: First fanfiction, feel free to comment on spelling and grammar.

Disclaimer: Naruto and Fullmetal Alchemist do not belong to me.

Of Blondes, Toads, and Cats

Chapter 2

Alphonse Elric giggled to him self as he felt the cat move around inside of him...That is, inside his armor...that _was_ him or...er...his body. Gah. Never mind. In other words the cat was inside the giant suit of armor, which was bound to a soul by the name of Alphonse. Did that make sense? Still confusing? Too bad.

Al sighed knowing what his brother would say once they got back to the inn they were staying at. He would first address Al casually, striking up a conversation that would slowly, but surely some how get to the topic of cats, in which, Ed would then say, "Which reminds me Al, you need to get rid of that cat living behind your chest-plate. Now." Then Al would plead and try and convince Ed why the kitten of the day was a necessity in their lives. Which it wasn't, really, but kittens just made everything better so why not have one around _all_ the time to make thing better _all_ the time? Instead of every other day with a different cat each time...it was illogical in Al's eyes.

For Al believed in cat karma. If you were good to a cat, you would have good luck. It would explain why his brother got in so much trouble all the time. He _wasn't _ nice to cats _and _didn't allow Al to keep one, thus the cat god or goddess made bad luck rain on their parade. Yesssss...that _must_ be why.

Al's musings were interrupted by a commotion further down the street...in the direction his brother had gone. Ed had gone bar hopping...but not in the usual sense. He was fishing for information on the talking toad chimeras in the area. Really. Who would want to make talking _toads_. Talking cats was a much better idea to Al. But Al wouldn't want to subject a kitten to such awful alchemy practices...so better the work on toads continued. Silly evil alchemists.

As Al approached area of attention, his large body easily parting the crowd, he heard loud voices. Some were just people screaming to get away from the bar because there were crazy people in it. Others were taking bets. Apparently one of the guys in the conflict was known to get into brawls often and win or run away. Today, seemingly, the opponent was stronger than the norm. "He just made a giant fist grow out of the bar to punch the guy that called him short! _That_ is some intense ninjutsu!" Whoa, that sounds so cool—wait a second...

_Ninjutsu? What? But a fist sounds like...Oni-san! _As in dawned on him _who_ they were speaking of, the bar doors slammed open.

A blonde man, that wasn't Al's brother, ran from the bar yelling behind him, "If you wanna prove you aren't a midget, you gotta catch me first! Nyah!"

The maturity of the man astounded Al, he's was like a _ten_ year old!

"Gaaaaaarh! Fuck you! You sure as hell are going to be eating your own words as soon as I get my hands on you!" yelled Ed as he stormed out after the other blonde man.

Well...if the man was a ten year old, he was still five years older than Al's own brother. Al sighed. Better start chasing them before they got out of sight.

He adjusted the cat before he started to jog after his brother pursuing the strange blonde man. They were heading towards the woods, which wasn't good. It was harder to follow people when there were obstacles. Entering the treeline, Alphonse discovered he did not have to go far to find his brother the man he had pursued for insulting his stature. They were at a stand still, neither was doing anything, which was odd, but Al could deal with it. He announced his presence with a shout, "Oni-san!".

Ed looked back at Al briefly before looking back at the opponent at hand.

It was then that Al decided to take in the man's appearance. He was fairly tall, six feet at most though. He had short spiky hair that was very blonde which framed his tan face and his smiling saphire eyes. Strange marks adorned his cheeks, like three scratch marks mirrored on each side. It reminded him of cat whiskers. _Aww...Cough._ The man looked no older than twenty-five years old but his eyes told Al that he experienced too much for the years he has lived—just like Ed's. He wore a baggy orange t-shirt with a yellow spiral on the chest, and loose black cargo pants, his poor posture accented his casual attire. Simple thong sandals adorned his feet. Which brought something to Al's attention he had not noticed before.

The man was standing on water._ Whaaaaaaaaat..._

XXX

Edward Elric knew he shouldn't let his anger control him...but it is so _hard_. Especially when the perpetrator that insulted him grins like he the innocent party. He won't be deceived, he _won't_.

So, in a blind rage he followed the strange blonde into the woods. It should have set off warning bells that the man seemed to be following a set path that only he could see. And maybe he was. That was generally considered bad. It might mean bandits, or some other sort of trap. But none of this came across his mind until later on.

He chased the man until they came to a clearing where the stranger stopped. Ed kept going, that is until he started splashing into water. Glancing down he found he was up to his knees in water already. What the...Ed's head snapped up as he backed out of the water. The man...was standing on water...how was that possible? Ed's brain started moving at a million miles a minute as he tried to think of a way that it was possible. There was so transmutation circle to be found...the water wasn't frozen anyway...he was just...floating.

Ed's golden eyes met the mans smiling blue ones, trying to read the man's mind, trying to figure out _how_ it was possible at all. He heard a short "Oni-san!" and glanced back to see Alphonse standing behind him. When did he get there? Whatever, at least he was there to help.

He looked back into the eyes of his enemy...they were..._laughing_ at him?

That was when the man spoke.

"Never seen someone stand on water? It's one of the oldest ninja tricks in book!" and then he mumbled almost to himself, "I was sure he was ninja like me..."

Ed decided this guy was psycho...Ninja? _Really_? Come _on. _This guy was nothing compared to Fu and Lan Fan. Well...they never said they were _ninja, _per se, but it is them that comes to mind when Ed thinks of the concept of assassins shrouded in darkness. This guy was wearing _orange_ of all things...

Ed's pondering was interrupted as the man (ninja?) began to speak yet a again, the deep, cheerful voice breaking the almost sleepy silence of the clearing, "Well, I _do_ find this incredibly fascinating and all, but I think it is time for you to leave."

It was then that he seemed to become very peaceful, his head lowered and the very air around him seemed to radiate power. A passing bird felt the man's shoulder would be a nice place to rest. And then the man looked up. Piercing golden eyes glared into Ed's own, Ed was positive they were laughing now, even if the man wasn't laughing himself. Red markings wrapped around the lids of the eyes.

"Still feel like fighting now that you know who I am?"

Edward was quiet for a few seconds before responding, "Yeah...I don't see how some ugly makeup is supposed to tell me who you are exactly, so yes, I still want to beat your ass."

It was then that Ed clapped his hands together and then slammed them on the ground. The smile that had been on the man's face since their meeting seemed to slip a little as another giant fist pummeled towards him, this one made of mud.


	4. Chapter 3

A/N: First fanfiction, feel free to comment on spelling and grammar.

Disclaimer: Naruto and Fullmetal Alchemist do not belong to me.

Of Blondes, Toads, and Cats

Chapter 3

Naruto wasn't too sure about how things were going now. The short, loud man had followed him easily through the woods, but he didn't run like a ninja...or feel like a ninja what so ever. His chakra was detectable for one. That normally wouldn't mean much but...a ninja either hid their presence all together, damped their presence, or out right let it all out for people to see. This guy had the chakra capacity of a civilian no matter how you looked at it. It wasn't _not_ there, it wasn't muffled, and he sure wasn't bragging about it. So was the man a _ninja_? Naruto decided looking into his eyes would be a good way to tell.

Naruto was no master of sensing people's abilities or their chakra, but his instincts were screaming this guy was a fighter of some kind. His gold eyes glowed the way only a warrior's would and pierced his heart with a an ice pick. But it baffled Naruto that the man didn't walk, talk, _look_ (He was so short! Naruto knew to look underneath the underneath...but that was a long way to go in this case... _Cough._), or feel like a ninja. So did that make the guy just a crazy strong civilian...who could use ninjutsu...without chakra..._Oh_ _Shit._

Naruto was about to get into a fight with out knowing any of the limits of his opponent. A _complete_ unknown.

Naruto may have started out as a complete dunce when he first started performing his ninja duties, but through the years he had learned. He had learned you can't always win through sheer determination and luck. Sometimes you need to be sneaky, and sometimes you need to know _everything_ you can about the enemy before you can even _think_ about confronting them.

When you came across someone with an ability that was a mystery to you, you ran, if that option didn't interfere with the goal of the mission of course. If that were the case, where you had to stay, it was a much higher likely hood your name was next to be carved into the Hero Memorial back in Konoha, or whatever hidden village you were from.

Naruto noticed the large man in armor arrive, and this only added to his unease of the situation. Perhaps they were samurai? That would be interesting...still they lacked the chakra...and swords. You _really_ need a sword to be a samurai. When the man called out "Oni-san" to his now declared brother, Naruto noted the new ratio in the picture. It was now 2 on 1000+ instead of 1 on 1000+. Hmm. Yeah...that still didn't make him a feel any better.

Finally deciding on some action. He continued having eye contact (it psyched people out) but finally noticed where the man was looking. His feet? Why was the golden eyed stranger looking at his feet...Oh. _Oh._ This guy was seriously not ninja. So he let his mouth speak with smugness he didn't actually feel.

"Never seen someone stand on water? It's one of the oldest ninja tricks in book!" he then sighed more for his benefit than for the strangers, "I was sure he was ninja like me..."

Confusion swept across the already angered little man, which confused Naruto. _What does that mean...does he not even know what a ninja is...Nah, everyone knows about the ninja._

Naruto then decided that since there were two opponents, they would most likely recognize his signature marks on his face rather than the frogs. Not too many civilians connect the toads with "The Golden Sage" name. They still see them to mean the Ero-Sennin, The Toad Sage. This made Naruto incredibly gleeful, it let him know his sensei had not been forgotten even though many years had passed since his death.

Finally growing bored with the situation, Naruto prepared for the release of the clone he always had meditating in this part of the forest. He never knew when he might need need his sage mode right? Feeling the need to give the two men a warning, he spoke again, "Well, I _do_ find this incredibly fascinating and all, but I think it is time for you to leave."

And then the energy poured into his system, giving him the feeling that everything was at peace and balanced all around him. Naruto's lulled onto his chest as he absorbed and relished the feeling that came with this beautiful power. His heart beat as one with the trees, the birds, the insects and animals that surrounded him. His blood rushed through his veins as the currents of water beneath his feet. And his breath was steady and yet as undetectable as a summer breeze.

Then a bird landed on him as if he were a tree branch swaying in the wind.

Naruto looked up finally, meeting the annoyed and confused eyes of the man before him.

Still wanting drama, Naruto spoke one more time, "Still feel like fighting now that you know who I am?"

But when the man responded after a moment of quiet, Naruto's heart sank hearing the arrogance in the man's voice.

"Yeah...I don't see how some ugly makeup is supposed to tell me who you are exactly, so yes, I still want to beat your ass."

Damn. Damn that crazy blonde and his ignorance. He was the GREAT—

The Crazy Blonde—thus dubbed by Naruto—clapped his hands together and then slammed them on the ground. A giant fist was quickly formed from the shore of the lake, shocks of blue electricity dancing on its surface.

Double Damn.

Naruto then took the initiative to dodge with the all the grace of an elephant. The fist slammed past him and splashed into the waters, muddying them to a degree unnatural for the stillness of the lake. Still a bit baffled by the odd ninjutsu, Naruto failed to notice the sudden cold in his feet. He did notice when he tried to move only to find them held down to the now frozen surface by some convenient random ice crystals.

His bafflement continued as he saw the Crazy Blonde and Armor Man—he came up with the name himself—began to casually waltz over to where he was stuck...temporarily.

Naruto warily watched them. They were almost to him and he _really_ needed a plan that would work. Kage Bushin? No...that was boring. Perhaps Rasengan? Nah...to extreme...and completely cliché for this fight. He really could just melt through the ice with a quick Katon jutsu or some concentrated chakra. Could he use Fuuton? No, that would just make the ice more frozen, if that were possible. Well, although he sucked at Katon, he knew one nice simple one.

As Crazy Blonde came closer, Naruto gathered chakra and let it pool in his mouth and convert to oil. His cheeks bulging a bit quickly let his hands move through the hand seals needed. Crazy Blonde was almost in front of him when he spewed the oil from his mouth. On contact with the air, the ball of oil burst into flame, shocking his opponent.

The oil spread across the ice still alight, but not really harming anything. It cause cracks to form in the ice around Naruto, who gleefully lifted his legs shaking off the remnants of the strange attack.

The boy stepped forward with an expletive ready on his tongue, but before the word could grace their ears his left foot landed on the surface of the splitting ice. A loud crack sounded followed by Crazy Blonde keeling forward and gripping Naruto's arm.

Silence.

"Well," Naruto started. He watched Crazy Blonde took another cautious step still clutching Naruto's wrist. "That was excit-"

A loud crash interrupted him as well as the sudden surprise bath. He tried heading for the surface but found his arm monopolized by the grasp of his fellow blonde. The kid was flailing in the water, his arms and legs moving but not letting him get anywhere.

It hit Naruto like...like...like Sakura when she was pissed. This kid was drowning and sinking like an anchor and he was taking Naruto with him. He could hear muffled cries from the surface which he was quickly moving away from.

Aw, damn it all to hell.

XXX

A/N: Oh HAI THAR. Yeah. Five months? Yep. That...is going to be about normal. I've actually had most of this chapter written for quite sometime but I had no idea where I was going and then suddenly, PLOT! Or development. Whatevs.

Anywho.

The Jutsu Naruto used is real. Katon: Endan. Yup. Looked it up on the the wonderfully convenient list of jutsus. :D

Reviews would be lovely for those that actually read this. :D

Excuse possible grammar and spelling mistakes. I edit, but it's hard to find every mistake.


	5. Chapter 4

A/N: First fanfiction, feel free to comment on spelling and grammar.

Disclaimer: Naruto and Fullmetal Alchemist do not belong to me.

Of Blondes, Toads, and Cats

Chapter 4

Ed's first thought on falling into the water was a long string of profanities rather than a coherent sentence. His second thought was that he would just swim to shore.

Ed's first thought on realizing he was sinking was another string of profanities.

He did the only thing any person would do on finding themselves to be drowning: he clung to the closest object in his vicinity. For him it happened to be the arm of the stranger who seemed to not float as well as any drowning victim would hope.

Ed flailed trying to propel himself towards the surface. The water above was murky and it was steadily growing darker. He couldn't figure out why this was happening. It didn't seem to be the jerk's fault, he didn't seem to be fairing any better (admittedly because of Ed) and it didn't make sense why he was so completely unable to swim, let alone float! The human body was seventy percent water for God's sake! It shouldn't be this hard to—oh.

It was then that Edward remembered the distinct weight of his prosthetic limbs. Ed had not been swimming since he was little, not since that night he and Al were so stupid...He never thought of how two hunks of metal might inhibit his ability to swim. How silly of him.

The burning in his lungs began to hurt as he and his companion continued to spiral downward. Ed began to wonder just how deep the freaking puddle was when his fellow blonde wriggled out of his weakening grasp. Crap. He was even losing control of his automail arm.

His vision began to darken but not before he noticed something strange. The man he had dragged down with him wasn't frantically swimming for the surface as he expected him to once he was free. Instead he was swimming towards Ed, who had continued to sink once they were separated.

The strange man got behind Ed and wrapped his arms around his torso. His hands met in the middle forming a series of symbols that baffled Ed. He wasn't even sure he would understand even if his brain was working with enough oxygen.

When the hand symbols stopped, Ed was unprepared for a current of water to rush behind them and propel them upwards. The dark water lightened much faster than it had grown dark. On breaking the surface he found that the water current had continued into the air and now the ground was fast approaching.

They landed in a painful on the shore with lots of sputtering and gasping on Ed's part and groaning from his rescuer. Or enemy. Hell if he knew.

Rolling onto his back he noticed Al clunking over to them frantically.

"Oni-san! Oni-san, are you alright?"

"Mm fiiiine, Al. Just swallowed a little too much water," Ed drawled. He sat up to cough a bit and spat up some water as he was inching out of his layers of clothing. "Just a little too much."

Some groaning to Ed's left reminded them they weren't alone. "Forget the water, pipsqueak! Just how much do you weigh? I should have been able to swim even with you dragging me down!" It was then he turned around and opened his mouth to continue. And abruptly closed it again. "Oh. So _that's_ why," he said as he took in Ed's arm. The stranger was suddenly right beside Ed and grabbing his automail. "Wow, this is a _sweet_ prosthetic! I couldn't even tell...And you can still do jutsu, wow...It is pretty hefty, hmm...I wonder." He continued to mutter for a bit, moving Ed's arm back and forth seeing how it bent and where.

Ed was just a little shocked but got over as soon as he realized he'd been insulted in there somewhere. He yanked his arm out of the stranger's hold and then proceeded to give him thorough once over. The stranger was just smiling at him, hardly bothered by Ed's behavior. The stranger's eyes had returned to their sparkling blue instead the steady gold which had somehow signaled some sort of power.

"Hey crazy blonde, what's your name?" the stranger asked. "I can't keep on calling you crazy blonde in my head can I?" He was grinning now, no sign that he possessed this strange alchemy and abilities. "I'm Naruto Uzumaki or as you might know," he paused dramatically, "The Golden Sage!"

Ed, not knowing what the hell Uzumaki's title was supposed to mean just stared. "Um. Cool. I'm Edward Elric and this is my brother Alphonse or Al," he gestured to the looming giant of armor behind him.

"Man...your older brother is huuuuge..." Uzumaki said in awe.

Ed twitched.

"Um...ah, Uzumaki-san, I'm actually younger than Ed..." Al said in his defence.

"Ehhhh? No way! But he's so much _tinier_ than you? How does that work?"

Ed couldn't do it. He couldn't take it. "WATCH WHO YOU CALL TINY, ASS WIPE!"

Uzumaki backed off, hands raised, and an easy grin on his face. "Alright, alright, I get it. But no need to call me Uzumaki-san, that's way to formal. Just Naruto for now." He sighed and leaned back off his haunches. "So, Edo-war-do? Al-fon-su? Strange names...are you foreigners? You speak fine so your not from too far off..."

"Ah, yes, we are traveling from Amestris, it is many weeks travel west of the Elemental Nations. We came here looking for a man practicing illegal forms of Alchemy."

Ed grumbled, "And I'd like to punch the fucker for what he's doing to those people and animals..."

Uzumaki just looked confused. "Amestris? Alchemy? Never heard of either of those...What is alchemy? Is it those odd jutsus you were using against me?"

Ed rolled his eyes. "It's like Alkahestry obviously."

"Umm...what's Alkahestry?"

"Are you serious? Then what the hell were you using against us?"

"Ah, that's just simple nin-jutsu," Uzumaki said like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Does this mean you guys aren't ninja?"

Ed snorted. "Ahaaaaha. Yeah. No. Do we _look_ like ninja. Just look at Al, for God's sake! He a giant hulking thing of armor. Not very stealthy. It's almost as bad as your orange."

Uzumaki pouted but did eye Al again. "But I'm a ninja. I work really well in orange."

Ed and Al both blanched at that, Ed almost choking on air.

"Whaaaaaat? No way are you a ninja! Ninja where black and are sneaky and shit. You're a bright freaking neon sign and bundle of joy compared to Lan Fan."

"Eh? What village is he from?"

"_She_ is from Xing. I don't know what village exactly..."

He was interrupted by a burst of guffaws from the whiskered blonde sitting beside him.

"Pfffft! Xing has _ninja_? Yeah right. That place could be taken down by a squad of genin. Hahaha, yeah, I can't not see any decent ninja coming from there." Uzumaki snorted again. "See, the reason I wear orange is that even in that color, if I don't want to be seen," he looked side to side, then leaned over and whispered, "then I can't be seen."

He then disappeared without a sound or shimmer or smoke. He just...wasn't there anymore.

Both Al and Ed stood quickly, looking for the blonde, until they heard some laughter from the trees behind them.

"Bwaaaahaha, you should have seen your _faces_! Ah, that was good. I haven't pulled something like that in a while..." He jumped down from the branch he had been squatting on and landed before them. "Heehee, yeah. So, again, what is this Alchemy?"

Al and Ed were both a little put off by the man's easy going nature but decided to just get it over with.

"Al, you tell him," Ed grumbled as he elbowed Al in the side, making an echoing metallic sound.

"Oh, uh, alright. Um...simply put, Alchemy is the Science of turning one material into another by following the laws of Equivalent Exchange. It's really complicated and people study for years to learn just a certain branch of it. You can use it for a lot of things, like fixing broken items-"

"Or fighting!"

"Or fighting. You can even make things all the way from scratch if you have the right materials. Sort of like cooking..."

"Eh? That sounds awesome...I don't think there are that many practical jutsus...except for Yamato's wood thing. That's a handy ability..." Scratching his head he wondered, "But how do you do illegal stuff with that? Besides killing people. Or whatever your laws claim."

"Well there are a bunch of things but we came here to stop the alchemist from making chimeras. They...they are made from combining two creatures and making it one. Like a lion and a snake or a dog and a..."

"The man is using human's with his chimera," interrupted Ed. "Chimera's are sort of ok, but using human transmutation is strictly against the law," he added grimly.

Al continued. "Colonel Mustang sent us here after we received information on some talking toads from this region. We are to take him into custody."

"Doesn't mean he can't have some broken bones," Ed muttered with a dark grin spread across his face.

"Talking toads...what? Like this?" Uzumaki bit his thumb and slammed his hand onto the ground and muttered "Kuchiyose no Jutsu" with little enthusiasm.

A plume of smoke enveloped them. When it cleared, Al and Ed were face to face with a toad the size of a small house and Uzumaki sat calmly atop of it.

"Gamakichi, say hello."

The toad looked down at them with some scrutiny, but did just that.

"Hello."

A/N: So heeeeeey. Been a year. Had this sitting on my hard drive. Don't expect regular updates unless you urge me to. I suspect this will be a short story that might just finish in the next chapter.

Excuse the grammar mistakes. I didn't even really bother to edit this. I just...want it away from me.


End file.
